BEHOLD, the results of painstaking Netflix research!
- LOUD music shall herald thy emotions - fear, anger, desire, disgust, amusement at Tom Cruise doing an accent (or Keanu Reeves doing anything).
- Silence = enemy. Too much time to wonder why you're watching.
- Physical activity (ie, blood, guts, 'romance') means People Being Real - Heaven knows you can't trust what they SAY.
- British accents pinch-hit for anyone 'foreign', Russian accents for 'sinister', Italian accents for 'violent', and bad Southern accents for 'stupid'.
- Media reps are selfish deadline-driven hags with no Personal Space Quotient, unless investigating crime, or bringing a corporate demon to justice.
- RomComs' (Romantic Comedies) base begins with Overstressed Achiever Girl meets Underachieving Cool Bloke, slather on loathing of Bloke until he Speaks Truth, someone Lies, and Kissing+ makes it all better. Season with Precocious Kid or Comforting Mum.
- People in dire poverty have their own abode, car and cell phone. (Exception - historical pieces and "The Pursuit of Happyness".)
- Magic helps those in need. There will ALWAYS be a bunker with guns and ammo handy for revenge, or a tool/gun/glass shard available as you scrabble around in a deserted place, especially if your attacker has superior weapons in hand. He will wait til you stab him.
- Mean People will be killed, unless there are extenuating circumstances - ie, your girlfriend was nabbed by terrorists so you have to 'confiscate' someone's ride without time to explain. (If you apologize as you confiscate, they will know it's a Good Cause Theft.)
- Herald Seduction Techniques with the woman in red, lest the man become confused -
"Is she here for conversation? Or business?". - Large muscles turn on women. Large boobs turn on men. Don't get them confused, thinking that Large Butts are the new wave.
- If you are attacked by a group, they will politely spring at you one by one. Their subconcious knows that they are merely Stick Figures of Defeat; YOU are Steven Seagal.
- If all lights are off, the Universe emits an eerie blue glow to help out the cameramen.
- Trees are great for asking advice, lakes for man-eating critters, wildlife are cute and humans are Large Consumption Machines of Doom for the persecuted planet.
- Every belief has beauty, and it helps everyone who just needs to follow their heart by standing in a group and applauding their efforts at truth, unless it's the sort of truth that requires change. Then it's OK to expose their hypocrisy of standing against YOUR truth.
- Love means hugs and patience and suffering if you're a parent or grandparent. Love means saying hard truths if you're a child. Love means bedding someone when you 'come of age'.
Add your own observations below!
